Another Trip around The Sun

Today is my birthday. 57 years ago I came out of the quiet unknown of the womb... of non-existence… of the great nothing, or maybe the great everything. I am a survivor, as you are as well. No matter your age or station in life, we are here, we have survived the trials and tribulations that life throws at us. Congratulations to you and to me.

This past year has been especially hard for me, and the ups and downs that inevitably come have challenged me in ways before unknown. If I believed in God (capital G) I would thank him for giving me the strength and wisdom to carry on. There are clearly other forces out there in the universe that push and pull energy around me, and through me, too. This energy mostly manifests itself in my art; my self-expression. I am grateful to have it. I might not be here without it.

Good things have come to me, mostly wrapped in love and honesty and when I am am open and receptive to it. When I am dark, it is hard for any light to shine through. I continue to do the work…inside and outside of myself. Even when it is hard, or when my lethargic self kicks any ambition to the curb… I strive. One small act a day. Something made from my heart, deep from within, manifesting it to a tangible reality. Mostly junk that piles up in my studio. Mistakes, short tangents, tests and trials and failures. Always failures. Gratitude for the failures.

I’ve been down a rabbit hole recently, listening to an audiobook by a Jungian psychologist and it is hitting me strongly. Second half of life shit is no joke. If you’ve been there (or are there now) you know what I’m talking about. If you are a younger person, scoff all you want at these words, as I would have if I read something this sappy (or heavy…or brutally honest) when I was a younger lad.

I’ll leave these thoughts here, and probably look at them again in a year or five or ten (god willing…small g) and probably laugh at myself for being so transparent, or so confused, or so on target. Until then, “Happy Birthday” to me.

Upon Returning

I am taking tentative steps back into life after a challenging couple of weeks. Regular readers of this blog will notice that I tapered off a bit from the weekly posting towards then end of 2022. I have decided to continue a more sporadic posting for the time being. The weekly writing practice is less necessary for my thought process, I have found. The constant work that goes into my podcast, and my daily journaling feels like it is enough to keep me engaged in the “life of the mind.” I certainly have enough work on the horizon to make the blog section of this website a less than regular outlet. Yet, I refuse to let it go dormant completely. I think I’ll post when I have something relevant to say. Sometimes the strongest statements are made by saying as little as possible.

2022: 44 To The Trees

A long weekend gives me ample time to think about a new project. The draw of nature continues to inspire my photography. A 90 mile drive north and west of Albuquerque landed me in the mountains north of Grants, NM. The forests rise towards Mount Taylor. A perfect place to explore the abundance of trees that somehow continue to exist in a world of threats, both natural and man-made. My camera leads me to this place, my mind pushes me to wander further. Off the dirt road, among fallen trees, under a light dusting of snow… what will be revealed to me?

2022: 8 Gratitude

Every once in a while, I am reminded of the good things in my life. It has been harder to do so after the past couple of years, for sure, but this week afforded me time to reflect. I am lucky to live in relative comfort, in a supportive relationship, with friends and (decent) health and no real “wants” as far as the basics of human life are concerned. Especially having carved out a creative life that fulfills and challenges me on a daly basis.

This past weekend, my amazing wife performed a solo concerto with the Santa Fe Symphony, and as I sat in the audience, I was reminded how special she is, and how good our life can be. We both have made choices to pursue our creative endeavors, often at the expense of more traditional societal choices and paths. But the rewards of the things we are able to do are so much worth it. Living an artistic life, with all of its ups and downs, is something I value deeply. The choice not to have children has also allowed us to pursue our creative journeys with more freedom and flexibility than others, and that, too is something I am keenly aware of and value deeply.

This week, aside from attending the symphony performance, I also worked on a new self-publishing project, recorded and edited my next podcast episode, and had two satisfying sessions with my improv team. I know that life throws curveballs all the time. health and wealth and stability are precious and precarious. But for this week, at least, I am able to feel satisfaction and gratitude. I wish the same for all of you, in whatever shape or form that might take. Thank you for being along for the ride.

2020:26 (Halfway Through)

I will not add too much to the chorus of voices who have waxed (poetically or not) on how shitty this year has been. Making these weekly posts has been mostly therapeutic for me, and lo and behold… we are at week 26 of the year. Halfway home? Halfway down? Are we halfway to the bottom or are we destined to rise up from this, the lowest depth?

Only time will tell.

I will listen to Bill Callahan or maybe Broken Social Scene and tap deep into my optimistic self, drinking from a glass that is half full.

p.s.

Someone from my distant past died this week. I hadn’t seen her in many years, but when I was a young boy, she was an important part of my life. I’ll hold the memory of a bashful kiss on the ferris wheel at the St. Mary’s carnival deep in my heart. Rest in peace, Linda.