Being an artist can be an ongoing emotional challenge. I’m not talking about the idea of the “tortured artist.” That trope has been proven false numerous times. I am thinking about the way we share our souls through our work. We open ourselves up to judgement, to criticism, to ridicule… but also to the possibility of connection with a viewer; an understanding; a sharing of our vision. At the root of all of this, I believe, is the idea of vulnerability.
If you were ever an art student, you most likely remember critiques. You’d pin your assignment on the wall and prepare for the judgement of the professor and your fellow students. These exercises, though necessary for our development, were often excruciating moments to withstand. There is an inherent contract being forged during these moments. I am baring myself in front of others. I am opening myself up to be possibly humiliated… or lauded. I am making myself vulnerable.
Anytime we share something personal, we are making ourselves vulnerable. We are making an emotional investment in our act, and trusting the recipient will be considerate, be objective, be supportive, be kind. Of course, judgement doesn’t always meet our hopes. It is often the opposite… cruel, dismissive, or insensitive.
My personal experience has been one of constant evolution. Like most young creators, I did not like being judged. Even if I though my work was good (this was rarely the case) I did not enjoy exposing myself to criticism. We are told to develop “thick skin” in these moments, but often, as artists, our sensitivity is the antithesis of this approach. It took me many years to build the confidence to share my photos with the world. Years ago, I started a Tumblr to share my photos, but I did it under an anonymous name. It was far easier to share when no one knows who you really are. Slowly, I shared the work with friends I could trust. And eventually, I developed the courage to post my work under my own name. It wasn’t until a bit more than six years ago that I built this website, where I could have a permanent home for my work, under the url with my own name.
The steps to submit work to exhibitions and publications came slowly, but with those attempts, came some needed validation for my work. And when I took the steps to self-publish, I was truly committing to my own vision with confidence. The fact that I now write entries like this on a weekly basis is evidence to myself that I’ve come so far. And the root of all of this is vulnerability. I somehow am able to muster the courage to put my thoughts and my images out into the world, knowing there will be some who will be dismissive or judge me harshly. But there are also a few people who this work resonates with… I know because you’ve reached out from time to time. I am grateful for that. And I value the opportunity to share my thoughts and my vision with the world in a place of quiet confidence. It’s been an ongoing process, but one I am proud of.
